[ This is Essay No. 34 in our Spotlight Series. Click here for the archives.]
Physical structures– Mothers and Others
By Anu
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I have started to feel physical spaces change, ever since I became a mother a few years back. They appear changed in response to my changed status. Not in their form, function or appearance but in their behavior towards me, some though have remained the same (I don’t feel them). This is sometimes funny, disconcerting and strange, but mostly has made me feel very sensitized to physical structures. I now attribute attitude to them. They may be kind or rude to me, may include, exclude, discriminate or embrace me warmly.
Changes during travel
One of the earliest memories associated with motherhood and the changed physical space was the first overnight train trip, after delivery. My growing apprehension of the trip in my favorite mode of transport, was how am I going to nurse the barely two months old infant?
Advice given: In our country it is acceptable to nurse in public, just look around.
Ok.
What about me? Knowing that other women do it did not mean that I was ready and comfortable about it. Anyway, this and subsequent trips saw a steady decrease in my love for travel by train. I somehow managed to learn the nursing part with the dupata draped just right without smothering the baby. This involved a pretty intricate set of movements in the limited seat space during the day; with co-passengers all around you, being mindful of their space, it was a game of anticipating and coordinating everything before the baby decides to let all know that he was being starved by his mother. (Note: formula food was not affordable on my fellowship, if it was, I may or may not have used that option. Hence, this post is not an argument for or against nursing.)
Soon another structure within the train started to harass me -the narrow berth! Being of average height and build, this space worked fine for me before. But now, with baby steadily growing with each trip, the berth started to be a different thing. All my life I had seen mothers sleep in this narrow space with their children, but to actually experience it was plain uncomfortable. Seeing future trips spent commuting in this cramped fashion, I started to desperately ask, when can the baby have his own seat? Answer: when he turns five!! This is unnatural, mother and child are to morph into one being in the nights, because the train seats, a paid for physical space does not recognize them as two people?
All this left me with ‘before and after’ memories of train trips. The toilets, the food, the smells they were all the same, but the train now made me intensely conscious and announced to the world my well hidden shyness. The berth, however, was blind to my changed status. Believe me, they did not do this before. I had never felt their meanness or blindness. They just got me where I wanted to go, let make new friends, dream endlessly, read and stare outside. Now, they were almost hostile and mute to reason. They wouldn’t talk. That is one thing they seem to have cleverly left out while transforming into live monsters. These creatures could be ignored. They were not part of my everyday life and there was a choice of not being in that space.
At the workspace
Unfortunately for me, old familiar structures at the workspace started to take on aforementioned attitudes of the train. Ignoring and avoiding these spaces was not going help. My work was within laboratory buildings, with 24hour access to conduct experiments. I returned here after maternity leave, prepared for many changes including constraints on time. Anticipated changes were manageable, and the higher levels of energy combined with guilt at leaving the baby at a daycare translated into brisk efficiency. Everything was streamlined, nevertheless some experiments would not fit within daycare schedules. Unanticipated space constraints became a challenge. Before the motherhood, I would not think twice about going in the middle of the night to do follow up work, and if the mood took me, do more work. Now, extraordinary effort went into plans to reduce the number and length of such visits, leaving scope for just the essential monitoring, switch on/off kind of stuff. This too, did not work. Tried taking the nuclear family to the lab, while I tinkered rapidly. This, however, got me pulled by the authorities “how would we explain the presence of a baby should something go wrong in the building?” This was not a high security, radiation-spewing kind of lab, just a regular plant and harmless microbe research one. Yet, they had a point, and I agreed.
This kind of transition to work pattern was difficult. I also started to observe and talk to other mothers handling this transition; some had stopped working on the longer experiments, some had learned to delegate, while others moved to administrative kind of work. These were smart decisions at the individual levels to adapt but to me all of this screamed compromise. Most mothers had some support in the form of spouse or friends, who were willing to hold the baby for the short periods of time, when we worked during non-office hours. So what was stopping us? The building? The non-availability of a little space marked out for such times was the only hindrance (not lobbies, stuff happens with babies and many of these buildings don’t even have lobbies). Really, it is just a little a space; a chair, a makeshift screen would do.
I then started to work on what I convinced myself were more elegant experiments, ones that could be left behind at the end of the day. But at heart I knew, and missed the hands-on, getting fingers dirty, elbows scratched kind of work that really allowed the ‘finding a way’ rather than following a way. The natural intensity and passion towards work was being replaced with cool efficiency. The spontaneity was leaving the mothers. And the race was happening without me.
As working women in Science, we were aware of the challenges that such careers presented and regularly discussed their impact, but ‘space’ as a significant factor was never articulated and hence left me quite unprepared to deal with it. The stony refusal of the buildings to accommodate the changing needs of some of its workforce, added to all other known factors, in a hidden manner. The rigidity of the physical space could not be blamed on anybody or anything we just learn to live with it. Because, it was we who had changed, I thought.
Workspace in a different land
Two years later, space in the form of an unknown alien land became my destination, landed in a small university town in the US. The laboratories, however, are the same anywhere, but I had no fear of non-existent spaces, for the baby was just weaned. I launched into work with the complete intent of regaining lost ground.
In a meeting with an external committee, evaluating the department, I found myself with a bunch of others (lower echelons) being asked about our levels of satisfaction in this place (If as a group we were figuratively tossed back to the countries of origin we would fall in almost all the different continents). Everybody said that the move here was good, a mother of two, however, had an issue. She said this building, did not provide her space where she could pump breast milk for her infant. I observed everybody, each came from a culture that had a different take on breastfeeding in public in their home countries, but here they had probably adapted to the local practice. The younger males probably had wives with the same issues as this woman, the older committee members with hazy memories of parenting days may have had daughters who were nursing. Their expressions were not readable my own feelings were of envy and fellow feeling. Envy, because she had circumvented the prolonged guilt that troubled me when the baby was in daycare and the tiring consequences; nursing through the night, sleepless nights, worry about infant tooth caries etc. The practice of pumping breast milk released women from this trauma, however, this mother was faced with another obstacle: the process required space for short periods and the 11- storied building did not and would not cater to that.
Physical space built around one
The answer to these dilemmas propped up during an all-women meeting, trying to understand why their career graphs looked squiggly and the strain it took to keep it straight. This naturally involves talk about motherhood impacting careers and invariably gets everybody upset and bothered. One member said “you know, Universities were built for a man in the forties, with a wife at home, and the spaces reflect that”. A sardonic reply, “actually for a medieval man.” Much needed tension releasing laughter followed this remark. But in this conversation was the answer that I had been seeking.
As always answers to problems that vex me are usually the simplest, obvious and general: Spaces are built for a certain type of individual with certain types of need and functions, and since it is concrete, it remains that way. And all other different individuals will have to adapt around it or stay out of it.
Imagining physical space for ‘the other’
What does different mean with respect to a building space? It could be specific to age, gender, class, professions and so on. Anybody who does not fit the original ‘form’ around which it was designed is different, requiring adjustment of that individual to the physical structure. One could become different for short periods and be impacted significantly (pregnancy, broken limbs, illness etc).
Does this mean, if the original design of the structure right from the design boards were drawn and executed to include different individuals they would serve a wider spectrum of people? How do we do this? Can we imagine the ‘different’ and anticipate their needs with the physical space?
Let me attempt this while talking about one physical structure that embraced mother and child: the handicap access route -a slope made of wood, concrete or steel.
As a mother with a toddler in a new country, our access with a stroller to most public and private buildings was made simple and easy via the handicap access routes. Not for me the Empire State or other iconic buildings, instead it is this simple structure that gets my maximum appreciation.
This small town’s total number of handicapped persons would not exceed the numbers in a couple of Bangalore neighborhoods. Yet, one can feel their presence all around in these thoughtful physical structures, including public transport vehicles.
Each time I hit a handicap access sign, my thoughts went to my friends and neighbors in the Paraplegic Rehab Centre housing wounded Ex servicemen in Khadki, Pune. The residents were from far away places in India; many were war veterans, and some who were injured at work. These men were very important in the city’s collective consciousness. They reminded us of the horrors of War, and disrupted lives and mostly symbolized a human spirit that was best expressed by their slogan “Please, no pity” while they exhibited paintings done with foot and mouth.
Down the road from this centre was the University with libraries and public meeting venues. Across from it were two popular temples hosting many cultural events. I had never seen them participating in meetings and events within these buildings and never wondered about it. For, I did know that a small concrete slant could have been used and that it was missing.
I am not sure if they articulated, but I know we did not imagine that need. This absent physical space restricted them to just watch the cultural events from the entrance of rehab centre, seated in wheelchairs. This is a 5year old memory and I really hope it has changed and these structures have appeared, at least in the University buildings and temples.
This is not a solution for all the handicapped in India, every design will have to be rethought, footpaths, elevators, schools, colleges, offices, and other public buildings in villages, towns and cities. A long overhaul surely, but by not thinking about it, we are not just unimaginative, we are indulging in callousness.
Then, there are others who are different in social status and society accords scant respect for their needs, not by lack of imagination but by deliberate omission. Look at any construction site employing few to large numbers of laborers, do we wonder about the lack of onsite restrooms for them? Structures that we demand for ourselves in any place that we would spend more than a couple of hours. And, there are other vivid memories of women in the neighborhoods throwing tantrums “should the housemaid ask to use the bathroom!” That is a human attitude. And I have no wish to dissect that now.
No, I am not making a case for just a sloped concrete structure or a wider berth, but a case to imagine and implement physical structures that can serve more than just the ideal individual.
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Anu blogs at Time and Us.
Linked by kuffir. Join Blogbharti facebook group.
I am not a mother (yet) but there are many similar experiences that I can relate to.
Space is not something we can access easily in India. But, we sort of expect “space” in the US as we are given quite a few.
I work in a building that now has a “lactation room”… so pretty and so private that I started thinking of that idea of space as a gift that one must be grateful about. But if you think deeper, a woman needs this space, not “granted”.
Kudos to mothers who have endured these circumstances.
Its just sad that India still has a long way to go.
Good to know that nursing mothers have an option in your building. Nursing was just an example that I used to illustrate that spaces can interfere when they don’t have to. Sometimes their impact is only felt at the personal level –like the train, at the workspace, it is no longer personal when the rate of attrition of women increases post motherhood, it is economics. The newer buildings do incorporate ideas that reduce stress to female workforce by letting go of unrealistic, unnecessary myths and traditions. In older buildings with leadership/management/whoever up there are receptive to bridging the distance between family and work life the creation of such spaces are relatively easy. But by and large, US or India, claiming of spaces to accommodate the biology of a woman is going to be long drawn out struggle and articulation of the problem is primary.
Agree, that US seems way ahead in having spaces that accommodate ‘others’. While I was starry eyed about the amount of technology in a bus built to take in a wheelchair, a friend pointed out “that did not come out of the white man’s benevolence, if you see structures that are inclusive of the less fortunate, it was fought for.” They are legacies of the civil rights movement.
Lastly, I’ll let the use of the term ‘endured’ pass by, since you are not yet a mother. Mothers make a dozen decisions per minute they are constantly negotiating complex compromises and arriving at the best solution at any given time. They are scary people, kidding :), you are right though, some decisions do leave us feeling very isolated –was not blogging then :).
thanks for reading and sharing your view
Anu,
When I read this, there were plenty of responses in me, but I’ll restrict my comment to a few which have nothing to do with “mothers.” I first thought what a great baseline for a science fiction story; then it occurred to me, wait this is not just that, it is actually a great way to illustrate a somewhat difficult-to-grasp notion of lebenswelt; then I got to thinking if building architects have thought about urban planning this way.
The section where you talk about the physical space for “the other”… very thought-provoking. Imagine a world and the stuff around us that is malleable enough that it adjusts itself according to who the individual’s circumstance… that would be a genuine, and a welcome, use of technology, wouldn’t it? In fact this stuff could be the basis for a Simcity-like video game. Lots of good thinking here… What you described is a set of notions that speak – going to the core – of a possible shape of the world when technology disappears and the experience remains.
I think you ought to bring this article out to a wider audience, I am thinking “Wired” magazine…notwithstanding the interaction on this blog.
There are plenty other thoughts triggered in me that I won’t go into at the moment. In a subtle, not-so-subtle and bold ways, this post also steps forward into that no-fly zone between women and men, where a woman’s acknowledgement of her own (mother or not) physical body continues to be an unexamined source of dread and fear for men. I often am convinced again and again that a lot of death and destruction in this world will go away if in some unobtrusive way this no-fly zone can be made into a walking trail. But…another thought, another day…perhaps another audience…:- )
Regards, Crazyfinger
Kuffir kindly let me choose any topic for BB and I wrote this meaning to back up all underlying concepts with studies, but it kept getting longer and I finally left it as an anecdotal post, hoping for discussion to add or subtract to these kinds of experiences and perspectives.
The anecdotes here, only skims the lifeworld of a mother as I experience it. In this post I wanted the physical space as a tangible expression of attitudes that influences the way society organizes itself. And the scope it presents for us to alter it. I was also trying to understand the power of articulation in claiming for the future and present –spaces, by specific groups.
In addition wanted to juxtapose the numbers game of women and other minorities. Women in science have a significant presence yet we are far from being able to effect changes rapidly to meet our needs. Because the spaces will have to be wrested or created on decision-making tables where the numbers of women at that level is low, affecting favorable decisions. In this light, when minorities with far lesser total numbers, that will steadily fall along the higher end of decision making process, what happens? In order for their needs to be met in real life, there is almost a complete dependence on the imaginative power of the ones at the decision making table. Absence of thoughtful and imaginative people receptive to voices and with foresight there often leaves the smaller voices unheard their potential unharnessed and left out of the mainstream. And this shortsightedness has high costs for the country/organization, individual or groups.
>> Imagine a world and the stuff around us that is malleable enough that it adjusts itself according to who the individual’s circumstance… that would be a genuine, and a welcome, use of technology, wouldn’t it?
I hope the architects the material science guys, optic specialists and others are listening. ?
>>steps forward into that no-fly zone between women and men, where a woman’s acknowledgement of her own (mother or not) physical body continues to be an unexamined source of dread and fear for men.
I am not sure if in the above statement there is an implicit belief that men have acknowledged their physical bodies –I am not an active reader of blogs, but do Indian men articulate the comfort/discomfort with their biology?
It would be informative to know if men are able to talk about impotency, infertility, decisions regarding timing of fatherhood, the impact of wives pregnancy, nursing and general child rearing on their careers, in their own words, from their own experiences. I cannot say there is a dread or fear from the women to know about all this, at present, it is one big blank (for me).
Related to this line of thought, I’ve been thinking that Bangalore seems to have back peddled from my days in college to my niece being in college now, the gap in understanding/acknowledgement of male and female body-psyche seems to be widening not narrowing.
>> Walking trail
Interesting! If you are planning on writing about this, I will look out for it.
Thanks for reading and sharing ?
Anu,
I think i found the space interference the most when i had to make my regualr trips to the nursing home, as i had to wait for my turn and invariably i would have to look around the corners, finally i found the solution.inside the car in the parking lot.
But these days in the corporate sector we incorporate soemthing like a “Mothers Room”.It is well furnished.This is one space where men have not invaded so far. We implement theses rooms in almost all our projects. it has become a requirement from the corporate world, without this no design is complete, and the reviews for the same have been very welcoming.
Sushma, yes, we all find solutions around ‘it’:). What you describe is really nice news for small numbers of women/girls heading in the corporate direction. The ones who choose or are lucky to have jobs in the government sector –will have to continue to find solutions for themselves or fight for it. Some readers who got back to me thought I was suggesting that babies be allowed at work place as a routine, no. I was only marking the difference in my routine. And I was observing and contrasting the change to newer methods of breastfeeding practice –which may pick up in India and elsewhere. A private space for that in a workplace is a necessary quest for women who choose to have infants fed with breast milk; in new and old building designs, newer and traditional professions. How this can be extended for jobs that are on the road –journalists, police force etc, I have no idea -same with the informal sector, those that are not housed in buildings.
thanks for sharing :)
i think the reason for callousness is right there in your article – “And, there are other vivid memories of women in the neighborhoods throwing tantrums “should the housemaid ask to use the bathroom!” That is a human attitude. And I have no wish to dissect that now.”
it is NOT a “human” attitude any more than not creating access ways for nursing mums, children, elderly, disabled, etc. our homes are the working spaces for our maids and use of the loo or kitchen for that matter, to get a cuppa, their obvious right.
where do you think a female house-help should run to pee or take a dump? how humiliating for her to look for bushes and trees when she is in YOUR home to perform YOUR duties! her need actually seems far more urgent than yours to nurse while pursuing exciting experiments!!
but, just like for you the maids are the ‘others’ whose needs can wait – your need as a nursing mum is not a ‘now’ priority for our planners and bureaucrats either.
Good thought.
I live in Germany now, yet to be a mom. But I have discussed this many times with colleagues when I lived in India. No public places in India has got a nursing room other than five star hospitals or similar areas. And feeding your baby in a train, its a night mare. Most of the people will stare.
I worked in an MNC in India, sofware giant.They have separate nursing rooms in each buildings,well furnished and occupies a fridge too. This is meant for breast feeding and later stocking the bottle inside fridge. Many of my colleagues told this was the best thing they like in the office. The HR people of company observed that thes e kind of gestures make women employees happy and their productivity is high.
Hi Nirupama,
Some misreading, but we are indeed talking about the same thing. I will try to address your comment in 3 parts.
“it is NOT a “human” attitude any more than not creating access ways for nursing mums, children, elderly, disabled, etc. our homes are the working spaces for our maids and use of the loo or kitchen for that matter, to get a cuppa, their obvious right.”
a) When I read this sharp comment after the post on the physical space, it makes me pause and examine. When I deny space to the maid (I don’t have any) that I myself access as a basic need, what is that attitude? Am I practicing class-consciousness, being casteist or just being a bad version of a human being? From the post I also gather that these attitudes are not always abstract but can actually have a tangible physical parameter with which I can evaluate these attitudes. So when I deny access to the bathroom to a maid, I am being an abuser of human rights. And human rights abuse does not happen in far away places as you rightly point, it happens within our homes. Does this make me want to change? It will be a personal exercise that this comment pushes me to do. I cannot do it for others.
b) Thanks for picking on the ‘now’ that is the only word I left in this post that connects to my other writings on my blog. Where I follow the long traditions of dalits writers, activists, poets and thinkers, expounding on the use of physical space to segregate an entire people (men, women, children, handicapped, pregnant or nursing). We have accumulated volumes on the topic of physical space and its negative use on humans. It usually gets little thought or consideration from the mainstream. If I say it angrily – Oh, there is another rant! If others have explained its illogical basis in scholarly works –it gathers dust. It rarely engages the dominant group.
I am too limited in brain capacity to understand although I try hard, very hard to understand the attitudes that led to untouchability and why it still exists. I cannot understand why people continue to be physically segregated in villages, in slums, occupations and civil life. If I could crack why a woman employing another human denies her the access to the bathroom, it would, may be, begin my journey to understand the long struggle for temple entry. So instead of writing on this topic from a dalit perspective, I wrote it from my other identities of a mother and an empowered workingwoman and I should say it is an exciting experiment.
c) Planners and bureaucrats priorities:
I used examples of very aware women who’ve long gone past the need to prove their worthiness to the field of science, are now gradually moving the battle to fronts where their biology is accepted in their workspace. If this group of women find it an uphill task to get their needs met, I point to the fact that it is because they are not in the decision making end. An astute reader will draw from it that it is indicative of any minority that lacks representation in the higher echelons -faces the same obstacles. It may be long before the ‘others’ get to represent, articulate and win battles for their kind from high positions. Hence the dependence on right thinking people from the dominant group, who may listen to the weak voices and imagine their needs and implement the actions. And at least put them on their priority list.
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment